My people, my friends

... Once upon a time somewhere it was written...

God makes me feel heaven on earth through hellish conditions

my friends, a family, the greatest treasure that I have

through them I can see a better future

amidst the impossibility

amidst the pain I feel

Yes, I am jealous, envious

In pain all day as I realise how small I am

as I shrink around other people

People I think could do more

In pain all day as I realise how weak I am

that I cannot control what trouble come before me

In pain all day as I realise how fear can dominate me

Fear of seeing the people I love go

Fear of not seeing them

Fear of being left alone

but as the day ends I am now left alone

what is left with me is... pain

However that pain is later on turned into overwhelming joy

as God made me realise I'm not that small because he is there for me

and I must not worry for he will always make way for his grace to fill me

And that grace will be shared unto others

That I'd be able to do more that I think

That I could be better, greater

God made me realise I am strong as I went through an entire day

Full of pain yet I endured

As I have been swallowed by my own demons

Yet devoured them by faith

As I endured strongly amidst all things that happened before my eyes

God made me realise that I must not fear

for he has already filled me with courage in my heart

I mustn't fear if those people I love are not before my eyes

for he will take care of them, protect them, love them, help them

Just as much as I want to

In all that pain, he showed me the smiles of my friends, the family I belong

and the girl I love

My tears flowed as I see them all happy

My people are happy and there is no greater happiness than this

In pain, I felt joy

In fear, I felt courage

In sorrow, I felt life

As tears continually flow from my eyes I prayed

I thanked God for his love

Thank Him for my people

My friends, my loved ones

Ever grateful I am.. Always..

God has all the glory this day

His lessons abide within me

Love has overcome fear

Why must I fear if she goes to another school?

Why must I fear if he doesn't believe?

Why must I fear if he doubts himself?

Why must I fear if he is afraid?

Why must I fear if she leaves?

why must I fear if they go?

When I know God is with them

As the day ends, I keep crying

Crying out with joy as I remember their smiles, their laughter, and their dreams

I thought it was my mission to teach someone about God

Instead God taught me the lesson instead

...Religion isn't accountable for one's faith

...Love is

...Love gives birth to all things, literally and figuratively

...To life, to hope, to faith, to everything

God made me feel heaven on earth amidst all the hellish conditions

Inspiring me to continue the next day amidst all this pain

Journal entry: (12/11/2015) Untitled, December 12,2015

"I love my people and I will not take anything at the cost of them. It their choice to leave but I will be waiting for their return. No matter what happens, no matter what come true, even if our dreams fade away I will remain as what I am to them. I may walk in two feet wander across the world, alone, lonely and miserable, I will always remember that there is once a home I belonged to. Crazy names like THD or PG, whatever we call ourselves. With a few of us or many, those times may fade away but what we felt together will never, ever. My people, whenever I go astray, make me who I am again. Each one of them is the makings of what I'll become. I know that probably they won't read this. Or probably they won't know how much I miss them. But as ever, I will always be here. Watching. Guarding. Protecting. Loving. Unnoticed. Still. Always."-10/1/2016